On Sophie
09-26-2024
I never followed along the rollout. In fact, I never felt like I needed to witness it. This was probably one of the only albums where I didn't follow any update on the projects. But when I first saw the announcement, I had to brace myself for whatever mind-boggling shit will spew out from this record; that either I should see the most least curated and not thought out record or be absolutely blown away by SOPHIE. Needless to say, I wanted to pay it no mind. But I was an online junkie, a kid of the internet. I couldn't avoid it.
Around the same time as this record was rolling out, my dog had past away and I resigned my job in favor of a lesser-paying-yet-non-career-derailing job. I also am a graduate student, something I'd never thought I'd see myself doing until this year. I'm still processing a LOT of things, even those from the previous decade. I feel like I've always just been not giving a lot of things to myself lately that only my support system and my music have been my rock. It was pretty weird I didn't want to follow along the rollout for this album just because I still am shocked she passed away.
Whenever I run, I always play Immaterial. Because of that, I guess I never cared to realize she is gone because I just know her music is within my reach. It didn't feel like when my dog died and I still do my old habits subconsciously e.g. closing the doors so he wouldn't run, trying not to provoke him by playing with the cats, and a lot more. Sophie's death didn't really hit me until today because I never realized she was gone.
I was trying not to hold her with a high pedestal with this posthumous album so going into this completely blind was such an experience. I listened to the whole thing with no stop and when the fourth song hit, I had to pause for a bit.
I barely did any work today. I had to sit for an hour just listening to the album and realized that this will be the last time I get to listen to her creativity; that this will be the last of her at all. All of those slurpy beats, the heavy basses, the snares that are too tight sounding, the happiness and mystique of her music all packaged into an hour of escapism. This album was her victory lap.
The whole thing felt like a concept album; like she's inviting you to be part of this ethereal world, this dome's protection and we can just let loose and go wild with the people we love, where we can galavant and be happy without any consequences. I guess that's the reason why the songs transition so well. It weaves into the cocnept of a neverendign thanksgiving party to our life that we live and the lives passed. The last three tracks with Hannah Diamond, Cecille Belive, and Doss almost made me bawl my eyes out. It almost felt like the perfect three-song ender. It caps of this party and our journey to this land outside of earth and makes us be thankful for our journey. And just like that the album closes.
The most common criticism I saw that it never lived up with her debut, which is probably the worst take I've ever heard. The album itself is just as solid as OOEPUI. If anything, it was a good follow-up. It's conceptual, pop, and goes against the grain of whatever pop music is today. The collaborations add a new layer to the storytelling as these are people that SOPHIE is near and dear to her heart and creative space. If anything, even if it wasn't a posthumous release, this is a good album that celebrates her mission of changing the pop landscape. It draws on the music of before from like Aphex Twins to ARCA, visionaries of the IDM and ambient scene.This shows that she had so much in store for her. That she wasn't done being a pioneer.
Despite all of that need to intellecutalize the album, the best thing this album made me do is confront my grief. I didn't feel like doing work (but I still did) and decided to try and rest my colds and coughs out. I had to. Because I knew the people I left and are gone now would want me to stay. I also began on plotting what my next music project is gonna be. This album made me realize that there's a life to live after all of this.
Since SOPHIE died, I had gone through many jobs and dealt with a lot of changes. Music was my escape. Her music was my escape. I learned music because of her. I learned to create appreciate music because of her. She made me feel so queer even from a distance. I know it's rude to be talking to her like a friend but I never addressed this parasocial relationship with her and her music. She never knew me and I can't claim I know her like her peers and family do. But what I do know is she opened the doors for queer people like me to breathe and exist. You weren't just a pinoeer of pop music, you were a pioneer of music itself. We will never meet another person like you. Thank you SOPHIE. I know that you're here somewhere in the universe being the light of our eternal darkness.